J.K Appleseed: “Shout Out to Apple Haters”

Here’s another fantastic piece by Apple Retail Store employee J. K. Appleseed (pseudonym).  In his latest piece – A Shout Out to Apple Haters, J.KAppleseed explains why he thinks people hate Apple:


“If you ask an Apple hater what bothers them, and you won’t have to ask because they can’t wait to tell you, whether or not you work for Apple, it’s rarely the company’s products or its maddening profits.

Nope, haters don’t address (or can’t appreciate, or try to ignore) the company’s socially progressive board, its vertical business integration, its savvy financial positioning, its streamlined distribution, its uncanny prediction and steering of technological tastes, and its powerful transformations of music, video, interactivity, and industrial design.

Haters instead focus their rage on what they perceive to be a smug corporate culture. That way, they can hate on one target Genius at a time, one sour interaction that proves they’re justified in a pre-emptive strike. Trolls unoriginally echo the classic whine that all schoolyard bullies provide, “I only hate them because they think they’re better than me!”

Fortunately, I’m not in the Apple Store right now, so I can be honest.

You know what, angry guy? Apple IS better than you. Its employees and technologies do more good for more people in 10 minutes than you could do in 1,000 lifetimes. Yes, even if you work in I.T. The company’s not more important than say, a person like the Dalai Lama, or Pope Francis, or Bryan Cranston, but yeah, it’s a LOT better than you.

I’m sorry if one of my coworkers offended you, but I’ve been in retail long enough to know for a fact that the people who claim to have gotten horrific customer service are usually horrific customers.

Haters crash your forum, because they don’t have their own. I love that hate is all haters have. All they can process. They screech, Anyone who likes what we haters don’t like must be a brainwashed IDIOT! Anyone who dares to disagree with someone like us, someone brave enough to spit vitriol anonymously on a comment board, should not be allowed to LIVE!

To you, my brave trolls, I say, “Take a breath.”

It’s going to be all right.

Calm down before your mom comes upstairs and asks why you’re beating your keyboard (or anything else) again.”


J.K. Appleseed articles on McSweeneys is a must-read for all Apple fans.

Posted by | Posted at April 12, 2014 22:09 |
Storm is a technology enthusiast, who resides in the UK. He enjoys reading and writing about technology.

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